New Year's Resolutions

I no longer will be idle while I'm watching my TV
And I won't allow Albanian drivers driving bother me
The porches of my neighbors house I promise not to stoop on
And milk I will not try to purchase with a stolen coupon
I won't be kicking puppies or go on a gambling spree
And my brother's neighbor's cousin's goldfish I will not set free
I won't jump on policeman's toes or tickle cub-scouts silly
I won't insult another colt by calling it a Philly
I will not wrestle with a bull or eat my aunt's tofu
I won't crank-call the White-house or some guy in Timbucktu
I know these resolutions may sound silly, none are deep
But these are resolutions that I know that I can keep.

1/2/6
-- Josh